monty python quotes

Monty Python Quotes or I Fart in Your General Direction

Monty Python Quotes or I Fart in Your General Direction

Monty Python quotes id the topic of this post.

In my opinion, Monty Python and the Holy Grail should be required watching in every high school and college in the country.

There are so many great quotes from this movie that I’m not sure I can list them all in one post. But, I’ll try.

Best Monty Python Quotes – The Holy Grail

  • “I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.” – Most of the time this is only ‘I fart in your general direction”. But it’s worth remember the entire quote. Just read it and enjoy.
  • “Bring out your Dead”. Nothing says medieval times quite like this. And it’s rhythmic in  the movie. As in Bring Out Your Dead “Drum Bead” Bring Out Your Dead”, etc.
  • She turned me into a newt.” “A newt?” “I got better. Try not to laugh at this. I dare you. The witch scene in Monty Python & the Holy Grail is great stuff.
  • Don’t like her? What’s wrong with her? She’s beautiful. She’s rich. She’s got huge…tracts of land” – King of Swamp Castle. Make sure you do the pause properly after huge. I’m still laughing.
  • First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.” – Monk. A bit longer, but worth a read to try to figure it out. Better Yet – Watch the movie!
  • No chance, English bedwetting types! I burst my pimples at you and call your door-opening request a silly thing, you tiny-brained wipers of other people’s bottoms!” – French knight. The french, they are a funny race…
  • Just a flesh wound, tis but a scratch. Is the classic line from the movie. Its uttered by the Black Knight. At the end of the scene, he has no arms and no legs.

Here’s the sequence in Castle Anthrax and the Holy Grail Quotes;

  • Sir Galahad : Zoot!

    Dingo : No, I am Zoot’s identical twin sister, Dingo.

    [He tried to get past her] 

    Dingo : Where are you going?

    Sir Galahad : I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle!

    Dingo : Oh, no! Oh, no! Bad, bad Zoot!

    Sir Galahad : What is it?

    Dingo : Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting a light to our beacon, which, I’ve just remembered, is Grail shaped. It’s not the first time we’ve had this problem.

    Sir Galahad : It’s not the real Grail?

    Dingo : Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! Oh, she is a bad person, and she must pay the penalty!

    [Turns to camera] 

    Dingo : Do you think this scene should have been cut? We were so worried when the boys were writing it, but now we’re glad! It’s better than some of the previous scenes I think.

    Left Head : At least ours was better visually.

    Dennis : At least ours was committed, it wasn’t just a string of pussy jokes.

    Bridgekeeper : Get on with it.

    Tim : Yes! Get on with it!

    Army : Yeah! Get on with it!

    Dingo : Oh, I am enjoying this scene!

    God : Get on with it!

  • Dingo : You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like… and then… spank me.

    All : And me. And me too. And me.

    Dingo : Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking.

  • Zoot : Welcome, brave sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.

    Sir Galahad : The Castle Anthrax?

    Zoot : Yes… it’s not a very good name, is it? Oh, but we are nice, and we’ll attend to your every need.

  • Dingo : And after the spanking, the oral sex.

    Galahad : Well, I could stay a bit longer…

  • Dingo : You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality?

  • Sir Galahad the Pure : Look, I can tackle this lot single-handed!

    Dingo : Yes! yes! Let him tackle us single-handedly!

    Girls of the Castles : Yes! Yes! Let him tackle us single-handedly!

    Sir Launcelot the Brave : Come, Sir Galahad, quickly!

    Sir Galahad the Pure : No, really, honestly, I can cope. I can handle this lot easily!

    Dingo : Oh, yes! Yes! Let him handle us easily.

    Girls of the Castles : Let him handle us easily!

    Sir Lancelot the Brave : No sir. Quick!

    Sir Galahad the Pure : No, please. Please! I can defeat them! There’s only a hundred and fifty of them.

    Dingo : Yes! Yes! He’ll beat us easily. We haven’t a chance!

    Dingo , Girls of the Castles : We haven’t a chance! We haven’t a chance!

    Dingo : [Sir Launcelot and Sir Galahad depart]  Oh! Oh shit!

  • Zoot : I’m afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eightscore young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, cut off in this castle, with no one to protect us. Oooh. It is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear.

A general note about Monty Python – I wonder, with today’s animation and cinematography, if this movie would have been different.

If you haven’t seen this Movie, you should watch it. If for no other reason, than to listen to the great and crazy quotes.

Here’s one more to close our post.

When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. And that one sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, and then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that’s what you’re going to get, Son, the strongest castle in all of England.




Photo by big-ashb

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